The Power of No: Setting Boundaries for a Healthier You

As the last month of the year crept closer, it was time to return to academics and the daily college routine. Every student, still in Diwali spirit, made their way back into the timetable.

Everything was pleasant, and renewing the classes seemed to elevate my spirits. I was glad to get back to my routine. Meeting my dear friends and chatting away any worries with them felt completely natural, and sitting right next to them after a long time was enough to put me in the best mood. Until…. one of my classmates approached me with a request. She wanted to swap seats with me as the exchange could help her get better acquainted with a particular classmate. She was eager in her plea and couldn't help but sound appealing. I was not exactly happy to give in to her request, as I was already settled on the bench, but her insistence sliced through my reluctance. After all, what was the worst thing that could happen after sitting by the window? Nothing, right?....

I was wrong. I am convinced that several follies will be summoned if you sit on that bench. After swapping seats, I resettled myself on the bench. A few minutes later, a crow chirped and drew away my attention from the lecture. That one crow was soon accompanied by many more of its friends, vexing me to a whole new degree of vexation. As if to further add to my misery, the 9 am sun arched its rays perfectly, reaching my face through the window bars. For the entirety of the next hour, I was left to cover one of my ears to tune off the noisy birds, listen to the professor through the other, and squint my eyes every five minutes because giving up a winter morning breeze seemed to be an unforgivable resort according to my classmates.

I wonder, how I could have escaped that situation. But to begin with, could I have avoided the whole situation entirely? The answer is yes. I surely could have prevented this unpleasant instance had I been adamant about my reluctant resolution. All it would have needed was for me to say a simple sentence, ''No I'm sorry''. But like many others, saying no can be hard for me sometimes. So, let's debunk this anomaly of 'saying no' and the anxieties surrounding it!

The unpleasant situation I faced, was comparatively a minor inconvenience in the grand scheme of things. Granted, it caused me an annoyed mood, but the damage was fully and easily repairable. However, incidents such as agreeing to things involuntarily can range from changing your preferences according to others to not turning down an offer of substance addiction. Slowly but surely, it can all lead to a series of events listed under the title 'I wish I had'nt let this happen'

I know saying no is easier said than done, but every significant decision comes with a price. Firstly, it is very important to understand yourself to decide what you're comfortable with and what you're not. For example, a person might be comfortable discussing or addressing a particular social issue, meanwhile there also might be someone who finds the same subject emotionally triggering and uncomfortable. It is a crucial task for the latter to disassociate from the topic to prevent stirring up unpleasant sentiments. However, if their friend circle initiates the dialogue, then it can be difficult to remain disengaged. This is the first issue in saying no – The desire to fit in. Frequently, peer pressure is at the root of blurred boundaries. It is natural for any adolescent to imitate their fellow mates. However, in the long run, the ability to protect oneself from uncomfortable subjects is more beneficial than the flexibility of molding your personality under the influence of others. This practice can guide you to stay away from activities you find wrong or are simply unwilling to perform.

It should also be kept in mind that you might need to find a way to address an uncomfortable issue. In every relationship, there often comes a point where you need to address an issue. Sweeping issues under the rug because they are uncomfortable would only accumulate more problems. This alludes to the second feature of the boundaries – communicating your boundaries.

Once you have established your triggers and the things that cause you to shift uncomfortably in your seat, you can voice your boundaries with proper reasoning. Your boundaries are primarily known only to you, and it is your responsibility to convey them appropriately. No one can read your mind to abide by your boundaries. Hence, it is very important to express your thoughts verbally when the situation calls for it, rather than promoting speculation and guesses through silence. These expressions can sound like –

1. "I am not comfortable discussing this at the moment; I hope you will understand my need for space."

2. "I don't like it when you approach me in that way; please refrain from it."

3. "I am not willing to do this; it doesn't suit my preferences."

With such polite words, you can make your point without surging the feeling of disrespect to the other person.

Lastly, to be able to say no and establish boundaries, one must be freed from the guilt of doing so. Often people agree reluctantly just to avoid the guilt it would instill. But remember, if saying no is associated with the sustenance of your mental peace and not at the cost of anyone else's harm, there should be no guilt. People who understand and love you would never make you feel guilty for setting your boundaries.

To put simply, setting up boundaries is an act of self-realization and being true to yourself while respecting others for who they are.